This post originally appeared at https://wifamilycouncil.org/radio/is-going-no-contact-the-answer/
2025 | Week of November 17 | Radio Transcript #1645
From every angle, the American family is under attack. No fault divorce is commonplace, marriage has been redefined, and birth rates are rapidly declining. And beneath these overarching problems, a disturbing phenomenon has quietly risen that now touches almost every family in some way. Rather than seeking to heal family rifts, many of today’s young adults are choosing to cut ties with their so-called “toxic” parents.
One recent study found that 38% of American adults are estranged from a family member.[i] And around one in four adult children have cut off contact with at least one of their parents.[ii] And, perhaps most disturbing, rather than recognizing the problems of estrangement and encouraging reconciliation, many therapists and advocates are encouraging the trend. In many cases, adult children who chose to go “no contact” with their parents are celebrated for making a difficult but honorable choice.
To be sure, in situations of abuse, estrangement may be the only safe option. But the need for safety does not appear to be driving the majority of family estrangements today. Many young adults are choosing to destroy relationships with their parents simply because of value differences such as politics and religion.
This phenomenon is a natural result of our culture’s idolization of individualism. Christian counselor and author Paula Rinehart writes, “Who anticipated that the quest to ‘become your own person’ would trickle down into the fracturing of primary family bonds?” According to this narrative, if your parents don’t celebrate and support all areas of your life, you’re better off without them. One author goes so far as to claim that “estrangement is a launch pad to empowerment.”[iv] Rather than putting in the work to develop a healthy relationship, many children are simply giving up on their parents, and their choice is celebrated as an unfortunate but necessary step on the path to true self-autonomy.
On their quest to individualism, many young adults view their parents with resentment rather than gratitude. To be sure, no parent is perfect, and the mistakes made by parents can, in some cases, cause lasting hurt. But, is estrangement the answer? Many of today’s therapists would say yes. Rather than grappling with their own shortcomings and recognizing that brokenness is an inevitable part of the human experience, many young adults are imbibing the message that their parents are to blame for all of their problems. Joshua Coleman, author of “Rules of Estrangement” explains this viewpoint: “The reason I have these issues is because of failures in my parenting. And if I only had different parenting, I’d be this ideal person that I think I should be.”[v] In an article, Coleman explains, “The growing narrative that estrangement is always a justified act of self-preservation doesn’t take into [account] the complexity and messiness of family relationships. Outside situations of true trauma, there needs to be a greater emphasis on reconciliation, open dialogue and willingness on both sides to engage in repair.”[vi]
Perhaps a dose of compassion, understanding, and gratitude on all sides would go a long way. But even in situations of estrangement, there is hope. One study surveyed parents and children who reconciled after estrangement. Almost none regretted mending their relationship. The author of the study writes, “Even after 10 or 20 years, virtually everyone who reconciled after a long estrangement was very glad they did, and almost all of them found it was a very powerful engine for growth. Even if the resulting relationship wasn’t perfect, they were still glad they’d done it.”[vii] While the culture may claim that the self-sovereignty gained by cutting ties with difficult parents will spur needed empowerment, the results of this study reflect a different story. Relationships are difficult, especially in family. But the hard work of mending brokenness and choosing forgiveness brings true growth.
Rather than choosing resentment, we must learn to look back with forgiveness and accept responsibility for our own shortcomings. And we must look forward with appreciation. The older generation contains years of experience that that the younger generation can greatly benefit from. It is foolish to cut off God-given storehouses of wisdom when reconciliation is possible. God’s design for family is central to humanity. We must learn to work through dysfunction rather than simply giving up.
A day will come when our parents are no longer with us. We ought to make the most of whatever relationship is possible while they are here.
For Wisconsin Family Council, this is Daniel Degner reminding you that God, through the prophet Hosea, said, “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge.”
[i] https://today.yougov.com/society/articles/52733-family-estrangement-how-often-and-why-it-happens
[ii] https://thefederalist.com/2025/10/28/one-quarter-of-young-americans-cut-off-their-parents-and-call-it-boundaries/
[iii] https://thefederalist.com/2025/10/28/one-quarter-of-young-americans-cut-off-their-parents-and-call-it-boundaries/
[iv] https://www.bethanywebster.com/blog/going-no-contact/
[v] https://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/4104138-one-quarter-of-adult-children-estranged-from-a-parent/
[vi] https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/cutting-a-parent-out-of-your-life-isnt-always-the-right-solution/
[vii] https://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/4104138-one-quarter-of-adult-children-estranged-from-a-parent/